Any Foot Forward

The mistake is in not consciously stepping out with your best self every time. No one works for long without making some bad choices. The thing that matters most is that you approach each situation trying to do your best. Younger workers sometimes engage other workers in a haphazard, unpredictable way. This wastes a huge reputation building opportunity. When people don’t know you well they are forming their opinions based on whatever they see or hear. So make it a practice to stop, center yourself and then step into the interaction with professionalism and maturity.

Clustering

The mistake is developing professional friendships only with those in your immediate department or at your level. Obviously it is most comfortable not to stray outside your age or proximity comfort zone. After all, why hang with someone who is so different than you? Career mobility, that’s why. You never know who – or how – or when another person might be the key to your next move. Or – and this is just as likely – you’ll be the key to theirs. It’s all about give and take as you shape your career. Don’t put all your eggs in the “just like me” basket.

Change? Forget It!

The mistake is being unwilling to change. Business situations are like little islands of culture, complete with accepted and unaccepted practices. It won’t take long for you to observe how things work on your company island and, even if people won’t tell you so directly, a person who says, “That’s just the way I am. Everyone else can just get used to it!” will be limited to permanent outsider. This is not to say that employees can’t be unique; it just means that if you stray too far from standard behaviors, you’re likely to be booted off the island.

But You Owe Me

The mistake is thinking that your company owes you more than you owe the company. All of us have worked long hours, gone above and beyond the call of duty and felt – not that secretly – that the company “owed us one.” While that might be true for the moment, companies have notoriously bad memories and it’s very likely that a year from now, no one will remember what you did. Instead they will ask, “What have you done for me lately?” That may seem unfair but older workers will tell you that it is true. Remember, you work for a “company” and companies aren’t your family. So, keep doing a great job but do not get obsessed with keeping mental reciprocity records. That will just turn you into a bitter old guy no one wants to be around. (I know. You’ve already met that guy.)

“NOW” – Think

The mistake is in making decisions that might be good in the short-term but are the wrong decisions for your long-term career and future marketability. As a young person myself, I once decided between two job offers because one of them paid $200 more than the other. Two hundred dollars. Per year. (Yikes.) For your career to reward you as it should, you’ve got to be oriented toward the long-term potential as you make career choices. And long-term is probably longer than most young people think. It’s five years away, then ten years away, then retirement age. You cannot predict the future but you can seek out industries, technologies and locations that have not good but great future potential. Keep up with the changes and make your moves earlier rather than later. Use a logical method for choosing between your alternatives. (For a video about a tool I highly recommend, the Decision Making Matrix, see www.working-together-better.com.)

That’s It

That wraps up my summary of the top Ten Mistakes Young People Make at Work and How to Avoid Them. I hope this short investment of your time has given you some things to think about but more importantly some things to do differently. (If you have employees that should hear this information, we have an on-site training program based on this material. Ask for our catalog.)

Until next time, let’s keep on Working Together Better.

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Jean Houston Shore works with organizations that want their people to work together better. She can be reached at 770-643-9724, by email at jean@thinkbusiness.com or through her website at www.working-together-better.com. Ask for your free copy of her book Working Together Better.

Copyright © 2010, Jean Houston Shore, Business Resource Group. All Rights Reserved Internationally. No portion may be reprinted or used without prior written permission.

It May Not Be Fair To Your Friend

Your friend deserves the best chance at workplace success, just like you do. By accepting a job with some level of personal entanglement, he has complicated his life too. Not only will others wonder if he got the job on his own merit, he’ll have a harder time proving himself to the team. He’ll wonder if his coworkers are candid in his presence, since people might clam up if they think their comments will quickly reach your ears. This keeps him from fully participating in the work team and may keep him from getting the information he needs to be successful. One kind of information he will likely miss is truthful feedback about his performance, because team members only give honest feedback to one another when they feel safe. His friendship with you may threaten their safety.

Its Hard to Be Objective

And anyway, how objective can you really be about this person? You have insider information about him that can’t help but cloud your judgment. Depending on the mistake you make this might work for him or it could work against him. For example, if you know that he struggles to maintain his diet and exercise resolutions, you might unfairly consider his workplace follow-through suspect; this is being unnecessarily tough on him. Or since you know just how tough his childhood was you might give him the benefit of the doubt way too often; this is being too lenient and not holding him accountable. Other employee’s motivation will drop if they perceive that the friend/employee plays under a different set of rules. Your lack of objectivity can become a real problem if you are comparing his performance to that of his peers, recommending him for a special assignment or doling out pay raises. There’s also the question of whether he will be willing and able to receive performance feedback from you and whether you will be willing and able to receive performance feedback from him. It could be difficult for both of you.

Relationship Limits Precedents

There’s plenty of precedent for limiting personal relationships in the workplace. The military has a long tradition of limiting relationships between officers and enlisted personnel, something they call anti-fraternization. In investigating whether a relationship between two persons has violated military policy, several factors are considered. If the relationships “compromises the chain of command, results in the appearance of partiality or otherwise undermines good order, discipline, authority or morale” those involved may be punished.

Many corporations, too, have anti-fraternization policies which strictly limit relationships with competitors, thus avoiding even the appearance of impropriety. Others prohibit dating or cohabiting between employees. However, legal provisions of the National Labor Relations Act (NLRA) guarantee employees to right to self-organize and discuss terms and conditions of employment so anti-fraternization policies go too far if they severely restrict employee friendships outside of work.

In our court system, judges are expected to recuse themselves (to disqualify themselves from presiding over a proceeding) if they have a conflict of interest or a personal involvement in the matter. The judge reviews the general facts of the case and determines whether or not he or she can truly be impartial, declining to rule if not objective.

But maybe you just want to try to make it work anyway. How to do that follows in Part 3 of Should You Work with Friends.

–Jean

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Jean Houston Shore works with organizations that want their people to work together better. She can be reached at 770-643-9724, by email at jean@thinkbusiness.com or through her website at www.working-together-better.com.

Copyright © 2010, Jean Houston Shore, Business Resource Group. All Rights Reserved Internationally. No portion may be reprinted or used without prior written permission.

Ways to Make It Work

If you and your friend decide to move forward with transforming your personal friendship into a professional relationship, here are some tips for making it work:

• Avoid the temptation to hide your pre-existing relationship from other workers. While simply pretending there is no entanglement might seem expedient, you’ll likely be found out. Not disclosing the relationship will destroy the trust others have placed in both of you. Don’t hide the facts.
• Let the new hire stand on his own and encourage him to prove his qualifications as quickly as possible. Instruct him to get up to speed as fast as he can. Tell team members to expect him to contribute. If practical, assign a team member to acclimate him to the work processes; do not give him special treatment or more-than-usual personalized attention.
• Jointly define new boundaries with your friend and his spouse about what will and will not be discussed in personal friendship time. Recognize that one employee’s spouse may speak too freely to the other employee’s spouse and jeopardize both the work and personal relationships. Strictly honor these new boundaries.
• Also define what is and is not appropriate communication during work time. The pranks, lightheartedness and fun that characterize friendships can seriously confuse established work patterns and undermine credibility if others perceive that professionalism is lacking between the two of you.
• Monitor the impact that the new hire (your friend) is having on the workplace. Give feedback to him or to others if things are not going well.
• Agree in advance to let the friendship and/or the working relationship end with dignity and honor if it must. Commit to one another that, even if things do not work out as well as hoped, both of you will refer to one another respectfully and with gratefulness for having explored the opportunity.

While many studies show the mental and physical benefits of social connectedness, recent research shows that the average Americans’ circle of friends continues to shrink. If the friend who is hinting that he’d like a job is one of your inner circle, a confidant with whom you’d discuss important personal matters, use caution when putting that relationship at risk.

Please share your comments. And keep on Working Together Better!

–Jean

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Jean Houston Shore works with organizations that want their people to work together better. She can be reached at 770-643-9724, by email at jean@thinkbusiness.com or through her website at www.working-together-better.com.

Copyright © 2010, Jean Houston Shore, Business Resource Group. All Rights Reserved Internationally. No portion may be reprinted or used without prior written permission.

Your workplace may be sending danger signals to you, too. Sometimes coping problems come from personal situations and affect only one or two team members. When that’s the case you should coach the employees individually. But sometimes, thanks to a more widespread disturbance like a merger or industry meltdown, coping challenges saturate your whole work unit.

Here are twelve signs your workplace may face a coping crisis:

Fretting: In normal times, moaning, whining and moping are not appreciated or tolerated. If fretting behavior becomes so widespread that it begins to seem normal, it’s time to intervene.

Forgetting: Let’s say normally punctual employees start arriving late or give you blank stares when you remind them of deadlines they said they’d meet. Obviously, their minds are no longer focused on the job. If this happens frequently, poor coping could be the cause.

Catastrophizing (Assuming the Worst Possible Outcome): You might notice that usually level-headed employees have lost their ability to think rationally, seeing the worst possible outcome as if it is most likely. This is a painful sign of a person in coping crisis. You should step in.

Exaggerating the Threat: While catastrophizing exaggerates the likelihood of a negative outcome, another symptom of poor coping is exaggerating the size of the threat itself. For example, if a 10% staff cut is looming, the non-coping person may talk of losing the whole department. They may even exaggerate what you’ve said to them, making the situation worse for everyone.

Short Tempers: Someone with a short fuse is never welcome at work, but usually you already know if you have one of these in your work group. When Sally-Smiles-Alot begins losing her cool too, its a coping crisis signal.

Vacillating: In a coping crisis you’ll notice that people have a hard time choosing between alternative courses of action. Group decision making is one of your most critical functions. If your team members begin to seesaw between yes and no for no good reason, a coping crisis could be the culprit.

Fault-finding: Part of the difficulty of dealing with a crisis is our perception that we’ve lost control. Finding fault with others can help those who are not coping well feel better about themselves – temporarily. If finger-pointing has increased, your group’s coping skills may need attention.

Increase in Risky Behaviors: Drinking/driving, drug use, inappropriate use of the internet, staying out late, getting behind on the bills – all of these are risky behaviors that can lead to big trouble. While employees’ personal lives are not in your purview, any indication of an increase in the level of risk your employees are assuming should give you cause for concern.

Putting Too Much on the Line: When employees are coping successfully they don’t bet the farm, they only bet what is reasonable. If you have employees storming out of meetings, issuing ultimatums or threatening to go over your head, it’s a sure sign they aren’t coping well. Talk them down and help them see things from a less dangerous vantage point.

Disengaging/Putting On a False Front: “No, everything is fine. Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” Most of us have heard these assertions from family members or friends and have known instinctively that their words were far from truthful. Whether its our sixth sense, their body language or something even more difficult to explain, sometimes we just know. If your employees’ statements don’t ring true, trust your gut and realize that, though they are putting on a brave front, they may not be coping well at all.

Ruminating Endlessly: (This one might be harder to notice in your employees but you can definitely notice it in yourself.) Ruminating is thinking the same thoughts over and over, letting negative thoughts haunt you. When you ruminate you never actually work through the thoughts, you just think them over and over. If the cause for the coping crisis is known (for instance, a merger or production cutback) you can help your team get through this by simply encouraging them to share their thoughts, with you or with the group. A more private solution is to ask them to journal those troubling thoughts then shred them. The next time the same thoughts come back, journal and shred again. Either way, all of us need to get those troubling thoughts out and stop the ruminating.

Numbing Out: Say your work group has gone from one crisis to another with little time to recover. Know this – your team can only take so much. If your company, industry or community has been buffeted by month after month of “red alert” status, some – maybe most – of your people are not only bummed out, they’re “numbed out.” To get them ready to reengage they’ll need a safe place and a span of time to recuperate. In some situations, the space they need may be time alone, away from other group members. Silence can help us gain perspective.

Leading effectively means giving feedback to your team members when they are having trouble coping. To do your job as a coping coach and mentor, you can’t afford to ignore the signals they may be sending.

Jean Houston Shore works with organizations that want their people to work together better. She can be reached at 770-643-9724, by email at jean@thinkbusiness.com or through her website at www.thinkbusiness.com.

Copyright © 2009, Jean Houston Shore, Business Resource Group. All Rights Reserved Internationally. No portion may be reprinted or used without prior written permission.

1. Proximity: Members of your team must have ready access to one another live, via phone and via email. While synchronous (real-time) team communication is best, even asynchronous can work as long as team members check and respond to messages promptly.
2. Temperament: While your team may be composed of both introverts and extroverts, all members will need to adjust their natural styles to reflect “team temperament.” This means checking selfish behaviors at the door in favor of more collaborative way of thinking and acting. As members slip back into self-serving habits, you’ll need to nudge them back toward a team mindset.
3. Feedback Flow: Everyone in the group should be giving and receiving performance feedback effectively. The camaraderie that drives teams can only grow by telling the truth about how a member’s behavior affects the team. Withholding the truth or telling it poorly keeps lasting collaboration from developing.
4. Transparency in Information: All task-related information should be equally and readily available if collaboration is the goal. Few things quell motivation as much as discovering that someone has been working from incorrect information. Key information like business definitions, deadlines and responsibilities should be refreshed, reviewed and revealed regularly.
5. Fluency: How well do your work team members communicate with one another? Do they speak the same language when discussing work-related problems or do some people seem to be reading from a different book? As groups become more successful in collaborating, they often develop short-hand for communicating and begin sharing inside jokes. These are signs that a team has formed, but it can cause challenges when new members join.
6. Values Alignment: While all work groups have at least a vaguely defined mission to drive their work, some may believe in the mission more strongly than others do. In successful collaborations, none are reluctant to give their hearts to the cause. If there is something about the work at hand that conflicts with a member’s closely held personal beliefs, this could be a collaborative deal-breaker.
7. Physical Health: Few people can pull their weight in a collaborative endeavor if they have pressing concerns at a more basic level. Give your team members incentives to get well, stay well and actively take care of themselves. Neglecting physical health for the sake of business goal attainment seems like a short-term win but it’s actually a long-term loss. Set the example for your team by demonstrating your own healthy behavior.
8. Helping Instinct: Some people sense who needs help when, while others lack this awareness. The best collaborators are those who execute their own tasks successfully while still sensing how well the entire team is functioning. Managers, especially, must hone this skill and be willing to offer assistance instantly. If there are those in your group who have great instincts in this area, have them explain what they are doing so that others can learn.
9. Clean Slate Attitude: If groups are to work together for long, they must work through their differences without leaving wreckage. No one should keep a mental list of wrongs or allow grudges to build. A team that respects each of its members allows, even encourages, dissension and emerges from work-related confrontations without lasting injuries.
10. Focus Levelheadedness: As groups collaborate they move back and forth between tactical-level (task) work and strategic-level (planning/negotiation) work. If members of your work group fail to recognize what level of thinking daily situations require they will not only waste time and effort, they will also de-motivate each other. While certain team members may gravitate toward detailed thinking and others are pulled toward the “big picture,” both kinds of processing are needed for success. Great groups identify what thinking is needed then coach one another as they focus to perform the right level of work.

Before you notice strange sounds coming from under the hood of your department, perform this ten point inspection of your group’s collaboration competence. By regularly servicing each key area and making repairs early, you will build a work team that cruises along smoothly. Then all of you can enjoy the ride.

Typically, a custodian oversees all phases of an assets life cycle: construction, acquisition, usage and maintenance. Here’s how the four phases connect with your role as a human asset custodian.

Construction: Just as a building requires quality raw materials, your employee requires quality training as well as on the job skills practice. Assure that your work group has skills that are current, not hopelessly outdated. See that they get the chance to use the new skills they learn in training classes; one idea is to have the employee who attended a training class give a presentation about what they learned. Also be sure to give regular feedback to your employees so that they understand what they are doing well and what they should work to improve.

Acquisition: Even if you don’t need to hire someone now you should still be in “asset acquisition” mode. While recruiters certainly play a role, you can assure that your organization has a list of ready candidates by making sure that you make your company’s presence known in your community and professional groups. Ask for logo merchandise to donate to events around town; volunteer to speak at community meetings on topics of interest to potential candidates. Connect with local colleges so that graduates understand what your company does and how they could benefit from being a part of it. Above all, keep thoughts you might have about problems within your company inside company walls, honoring your commitment to confidentiality. Loose lips sink ships.

Usage: The bulk of your asset management tasks fall within this part of the life cycle – the months and years when your employees are “used.” Your goal as custodian is to see that they are used well, but not used up. Ask yourself these questions: Are my employees doing work that should be done by someone else’s department? Are they spending time correcting the mistakes of others – and how could I make that stop? Are my employees getting enough credit for the work they do? Keeping your employees motivated means that you manage every part of their work experience, from the assignments they get, to the deadlines they must meet, to the resources they used to get the job done. Do what it takes to position them for success and by all means, get out of their way.

Maintenance: Most complex equipment comes with a list of scheduled maintenance activities or maybe even a service contract with an outside vendor. Equipment owners know that changing out worn parts before they break saves money in the long run. In the same way, there may be employees in your work group who need some downtime to recharge. Stress takes its toll on people and if your department has been working on high alert status for a long time, your employees may be feeling the strain. Learn what you can about problem-focused and emotion-focused coping skills, then make a plan for helping those employees who may not be coping well.

While you may never carry around a hundred keys, you are still a custodian. By carefully managing the construction, acquisition, usage and maintenance of your company’s most important resource, you’ll hold the key to your company’s success – and yours.

Here’s an example:

Susie’s job was “reorganized” in a merging of two departments three years ago. But still, after all this time, Susie gripes to coworkers about how unfair the restructuring was. Everyone around her wishes she would just move on and get to the business at hand. But no one, including Susie’s new manager, has the guts to tell Susie the truth. As a result, Susie’s coworkers scatter when they see her coming. She is in danger of being marginalized by her own poor behavior and she doesn’t even know it.

In this situation, two things are missing. First, workplace participants don’t realize how much they are hurting themselves by being truth reluctant. They somehow feel that cushioning Susie’s feelings is a noble choice. Second, they aren’t sure speaking honestly with Susie would do any good, even if they were willing to do it. While the first concern is simply invalid, the second has some merit, because if Susie doesn’t receive the feedback well, you may have taken an unwise chance by speaking up.

Here are three parts of the situation you can monitor to give your feedback to Susie a fighting chance:

Trust: For your feedback to make a difference, it should rest on a foundation of mutual trust between you and Susie – a situation where you trust her and she trusts you. To develop a mutually beneficial working relationship requires “deposits” of actions, services or products the other person values. Professors Allan Cohen and David Bradford, in their book Influence Without Authority, call these deposits “currency.” Steven Covey referred to a similar idea in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People as keeping track of an “Emotional Bank Account.” Whatever you call it, careful giving and receiving within a trusting relationship can help build even more trust.

Timing: Feedback should always be given privately and at a time when distracting workplace stress is minimized. If the person to whom you wish to give feedback needs to temporarily opt-out because the timing isn’t right, allow that. Choose to catch up with Susie at a later, more agreeable time.

Tone: The words you choose to use when delivering a piece of feedback to a colleague are of vital importance. A good way to start could be, “Susie, because I care about you and your work here, I want you to hear this feedback from me.” After beginning in this reassuring way, be sure your feedback session includes the following segments:

• Your desire that Susie listen to and thoughtfully consider the feedback you will give.
• The specific behavior that needs to change and when you have observed it.
• The impact or effect that the behavior is currently having on: the workplace, you (the feedback giver), customers, and/or Susie’s reputation and career potential.

Whether or not you currently have a Susie situation in your workplace, you will someday be tempted to be “truth reluctant.” But if you consider trust, timing and tone, you can be the person courageous enough to say what everyone else was thinking. That’s the only way to make things better, for Susie and for everyone.

1) People who have been hurt by feedback in the past and are living in fear that they’ll be hurt again.

A woman I know won’t even listen if someone starts to offer her some “constructive criticism.” The prospect of hearing something negative strikes such a fear in her that she will actually remove herself from the situation rather than hear feedback. If this sounds like someone on your work team, there are three things you can try:

• Demonstrate that not all feedback is negative – by giving her some practice in receiving positive feedback.
• Explain that she must become strong enough to receive both negative and positive feedback if she hopes to grow and advance in her career.
• Make sure that the feedback you choose to give her is substantial and important. Do not spend your time “nit-picking.”

2) People who think they know it all.

Almost every workplace has a person others describe as “arrogant” and if you have some constructive feedback to give to this guy, expect some push-back. Here’s what to try:

• Gather evidence to figure out whether this person is overstating his intelligence or whether he is truly a superstar. If applicable, use what you learn to prove that they should be open to your input.
• Teach this person to give helpful, constructive feedback to others. Let them practice explaining “behavior impacts” to others.
• Hold this person responsible for demonstrating that they have internalized the feedback you have given them.

3) People who don’t value the opinions of others.

Often, less experienced workers have a dogmatic, “my-way-or-the-highway” lens through which they see the world. If you are dealing with this situation, try these ideas:

• Coach them to identify and explain the value of the differing perspectives of those in your work team. Discuss the concept of pluralism in American society.
• Have them practice explaining the “impact statements” others might use to describe their behaviors.
• Remove this person from direct management of others until he or she can demonstrate an appreciation for differing viewpoints.

4) People who are currently in personal crisis.

If there is someone in your work group facing something serious in personal or professional life, they might be having trouble coping. Adding your constructive feedback to the mix could have unfavorable results.

• Defer giving feedback temporarily so that they can concentrate on coping successfully.
• Give this person room to grow, but also assign a deadline by which you expect them to have come to terms with the situation they face.
• Refer the person to whatever external resources your organization has in place such as the Employee Assistance Program.

Part of your job as a workplace leader is giving people the feedback they need to perform successfully. By planning ahead for the four types of people who can’t hear feedback, you’ll be able to get those vital messages through – eventually.

• Leadership (When Leaders Fail to Lead)
• Coping Skills (How Those Who Fail To Cope Affect All of Us)
• Feedback (The Magic of Making Teams Work)
• Performance Measures (Why Measuring the Right Things May Not Be Easy)
• Motivation (How to Engage Employees So They Are Productive and Happy)
• Reward and Recognition (How Handling These Things Poorly Wastes Everyone’s Time)

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